So something I haven't mentioned on this blog before is that I was a Slimming World devotee. As far as diets go, its the most sane thing I have ever done, however I feel that looking back my problem with weight loss and goals is that I am never satisfied. There is always a smaller pair of jeans to fit into. Another number to achieve. The goal posts are always changing. I might be a size 10, but then there is a size 8 skirt I want to fit in. I could be happily be eating a diet which suits me and my body and then some study will tell me that its not healthy.
I found that the thinner I got the more neuortic I got. I found more and more bits of my body I didnt like. I found things I hated that I had never noticed before. Everything because about weight and nothing felt as important as what the scales said at the end of the week. I remember once, after being in hospital ridiculously poorly, very bloated and swollen, I cried because I had a gain. I feel silly saying that now but it ruined my week. I also remember feeling really sad on holiday that despite losing 2 stone I hadnt reached my target.
My IBS makes it hard to "eat clean" and if I am honest I dont think its something I would want to do anyway. I have a big issue with fructose which really upsets my stomach and takes out most fruits I enjoy. I can't eat onion or garlic. I can't seem to eat eggs. I can eat avocado and sweet potatoe in small amounts, but too much, upset stomach. I can only eat white bread, anything with wholegrain and I am running for the toilet. You might this is too much information but this is just my life.
Despite this, I am not totally happy with my body at the moment.
I have been debating whether to write this post at all. I sometimes think being body positive has left me feeling quite anxious about upsetting the community. I dont think my body looks bad because I am fat, I have numerous debates about people claiming that I am not fat I am beautiful ... when 90% of the time I feel like I am both. The issue is at the moment my body doesn't feel good. It feels sluggish. My joints are aching, my belly is sore and I dont feel like the vibrant young thing I want to be. Now I am not naive, I know the fact I suffer from chronic health issues means I wont always feel great but Im sure if I ate a bit better and exercised a little more I would feel better.
So how am I going to do this while staying body positive?
No Scales. I am not torturing myself. When I was at Slimming World I used to weigh myself every single day and thats not good for anyone. I am not aiming for a number so why is it important? The most important measure to me is how I am feeling.
No Numbers. Similiar to the above I am not going to be counting anything. No calories, no weight, no macros, no fats, no dress size.
Exercise because it feels good, not as a punishment. I used to spend a lot of time thinking oh I have just eaten a huge meal I need to exercise it off. Its completely screwed up. I want to do more yoga, Id like to start dancing and me and the hubby are going to be running a half marathon next year in aid of LOROS. I am doing these things as I hope they will help my body feel good.
Symptom control as the main focus. I am going to be looking at how I feel when I eat certain foods and that will dictate what I eat. For example I know that apples make me poo. I know that too much dairy brings me out in a rash and I know that plain crisps make me feel so good when I am feeling nauseous.
Not ever hate the body I am in. Above all else I need to continue loving myself. I need to tell myself I am beautiful, no matter what anyone else thinks. I need to continue to dress how the hell I want and hopefully empower others to do the same!
What do you think?
Did you know I have a lifestyle blog? You can follow it HERE.