I remember as a child and more importantly as a moody teenager my mom and I would argue a fair bit. I would stomp up to my room or out to the park with the requisite "Life's not fair/you don't love me" dialogue and my mom would usually reply with the comment that yes she did love me but right now she didn't like me very much.
Recently I have been feeling the same way about my body.
I LOVE my soft curves. I love my messy, tumbling curls that always make me look a little dishevelled. I love that the skin on my face is pretty easy to manage, as apart from the odd hormonal spot, I have never suffered with bad skin. I love that my lips allow me to kiss the wonderful man that I married every single day. I love that I have a voice and I can speak out about things I am not happy with. I can also use this voice (and frequently do) to sing along at the top of my voice to musical soundtracks, imagining myself as the leading lady. I love that my small boobs don't always require a bra! OK I might have giant nipples, but free the nipples right? In the summer especially I can just throw on a floaty dress, some sandals, sunnies and a hat and off I go out to enjoy the world. I love my tiny waist which can give me the illusion of an hourglass figure. I love my large hips that I can shimmy and shake and my legs that take me all around the house dancing when I am cleaning.
However recently, I haven't been liking my body. I have mentioned before I suffer from both physical and mental health issues. I am happy to report that the anxiety and depression, through a combination of medication, loving my body etc have been relatively under control. The Physical Health though? Bloody nightmare.
I had been feeling fatigued for a few weeks now and had made an appointment to see my GP tomorrow (which I am still going to) to discuss the fact my Vitamin D levels are dropping lower and lower. Last Tuesday I had a bleed. Luckily it wasn't anything serious but it left me exhausted, dizzy and pale. I had to cancel my shifts for the week which i HATE doing and really give myself a rest. My IBS flared up at the same time and left me unable to eat anything for a couple of days and its only now 5 days later that I have started to feel a bit more on my feet.
So it's times like this when you don't like your body that it needs more love! Some of the things I have done this week to show my body that I still love her when she's being a bitch include:
- Smothering myself in Soap and Glory Righteous Butter, head to toe on a daily basis
- Wearing the comfiest PJs I own. No bra, nothing that feels uncomfortable
- Spending a chunk of time naked, because letting my skin breath is the best!
- Looking at my pale, tired face in the mirror and telling myself that even though I am sick, I am beautiful
- Eating chocolate. Once my belly was a bit more settled!